the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
