i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
