i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
