a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
