I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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