Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
