She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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