if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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