put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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