Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
