I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
