He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
