who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
