It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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