I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
