wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
