I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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