so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
