I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
