Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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