Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
