No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
