you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
