I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
