Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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