I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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