it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
