he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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