Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
