Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
