Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
