Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
