I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
