whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
