someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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