it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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