he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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