highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
