Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
