I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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