Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
As shirtless as possible
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
