Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
