So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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