Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Still dying that you shit outside
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
