so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I could fuck to npr.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
