My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
