guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
