"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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