As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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