Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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