you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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