Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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