Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
